I need some cheering up, Some way for me to give, Some rocks under the boat, Some bare necessities.

I have so many things to say.But, they're thoughts,not something good to make permanent.Too many people look around anyway (tho..sometimes its good:).

Talking about now...if i searched any harder for something _____ to write, i might just crack.

Im lonely.Ive been lonely.Ive been feeling lonely.

Only God-songs can reach me..and those amazingly blue skies.

Enough said..

One time, while I was piling some hay, it started to pour. I decided to stop and read a book Ethan passed to me. It was right before he left to go live with Jacob. I kept carrying it around, and now it felt like just the right time to read it.

Ethan said the book meant a lot to him and that it was a great story. He said it was something about a boy who was determined to be a bird, just to feel how it’s like to fly. I promised him that I would read it, just to see him smile for the last time.

So as I started reading, I heard something and looked to see a sparrow hopping around at the barn door. It’s feathers were shiny and little water droplets stuck to its tail and body. How horrible it must be for the birds when it rains.

As I took pity at the little bird, I didn’t realize but my head started to tilt. I looked past bird and the book. I noticed the rain. The way it fell was just so weirdly attractive and calming to me. I started to think.

I thought about Ma, Pa and Opa, our home, even my old pet chickens; just about everything. It was so weird. I thought about Josephine and Duck, the bestest friends I could ever have -I even wondered if it’ll be me or silly Duck that’ll marry Josey in the end. I guess probably Duck. He’s had a crush on Josey since I ever heard of a boy named Duck.

After a while, I looked harder and noticed the grey in the rain drops. Slowly sad things started to replace the thoughts I had. I thought of last spring when Jacob wrote to us that he was going to get married. We couldn’t go for the wedding. Pa said that we couldn’t go out there where Jacob was. I didn’t even care what Pa meant by ‘out there’, I just wanted to see my brother. And then, I remembered the winter when we had to cook Sarah and her chicks. I didn’t eat that night, I just sat in the barn. Ethan came in later and brought some cinnamon bread for me. I thought about Ethan then. Oh, how I missed him. And Jacob too. Then I realized soon it would be my turn to experience the world and then decide whether to stay Amish or leave just as my brothers did. All I know was that what Ethan and Jacob’s choice broke Pa’s heart.

I thought of the decision I would have to make. How could I ever try to decide in such a hard situation? I don’t know what I would do.

I haven’t even made up my mind to ask Pa if I needed a new straw hat. Or even thought if I’d still want to go to Sunday class anymore -Everybody already thinks I’m not just because I didn’t write my name on the class board.

I wish I didn’t have to make any decisions at all.

I just wouldn’t know what to choose. I remembered once when I had to decide on something, and I asked Ma to help me, she just asked me whether I wanted it or not. Well if I knew, what would I be doing asking her?

Its just like how everybody always tells me; ’Micah! Don’t you know what you want already?’

I held my head, sighed and sat on it for a moment. My thoughts went back to Jacob and Ethan. Maybe it was time for me to grow up and be sure of myself like how my brothers were. Pa only wanted what he knew best for his sons that’s why he was so strict. Deep down, he would always love all of us no matter what decision. I know, Ma told me. She also said ‘That’s why he let Jacob and Ethan decide for themselves. And the same goes for you’. I stayed in that moment and thought.

I thought and I thought, till, I smelled Ma’s bread pudding. At least there was a part of me that was decisive -my stomach.

xxx

I ate my little metal dish of bread pudding, and I saw that it stopped raining.

Pa asked me to finish up my chores as soon as I was done. As I went out through the fresh air, I completely left whatever thoughts I had earlier and forgotten all the silly decisions I had to make.

I guess I’ll just leave it for another rainy day.

Micah.

after some time,i remembered about this..

dear you,

they say the world is your oyster,

so pray and hope,

dream but dont delay.

If strength is what you need, you know what to say,

Pick up that book and carry up that cross,

'I'll be with you' he says,'i've paid the cost',

dear you,

times have been hard and they still are,

wishes are too late,

and maybe dreams are too far,

i wish we could mend the things broken,

and said the things we left unspoken.

'Dont forget' i call out to you,

The purpose we're here.

I'm waiting for your sign,

i am calling will you hear?

To you both,

dear you,

i wont reprimand,i wont make a fuss,

for you i will be happy,i will rejoice,

I will wish you my best -that you can have my trust,

still i tell you there is no chance,

i wont miss you after that very last glance,

that my days will grow grey,

when you are off on your way.

To one,

dear you,

i am still trying to grasp the idea,

i wont know how much it'll hurt,

being apart from you all year.

As much as we fought,fizzled and hissed,

we still knew in our heart we'll definitely be missed.

There is so much to say,pictures i wish to potray,

but i'll just leave you with this,

That i'll love you more each and every day.

To another,

dear you,

you are so special to me,

I marvel at how this friendship could be.

Although its only a short time we've been brought together,

It feels that you're closer to me than many other. 

It's so hard to see you're leaving so soon,

It's so hard to let go,

I forgot to tell you this before,

but im so glad you came back once and for all.

Im glad you said that you came back for me, because this friendship might just never continued to be.

I'll miss everyday spent together,from the beginning till forever.

But if this is in my Father's will,

I wont do anything but feel,

I cannot do anything for he is the reason i knew you both at all.

Take them,

and do as you may,Lord,

I will hold on to the promise you've placed in my heart,

that you have plans for each and everyone of us,to prosper us and not to harm us,

To give us a hope and a future.

So i shall not stand in the way,

but cherish them and pray,

pray,

pray.

Last,but not one bit the less,

dear you,

you're eyes are full of the future of us,

you sing me to sleep,

talk down my walls,

look through my windows as i wait.

Ti amo

Je t'aime

Annah be hebic

I  love  you

Cheallaigh.